Last week Vered at MomGrind wrote a post about being grateful and asked her readers to list three things that were right in their lives. Instead of listing the three things in the comments, I decided to write a post on the topic.
First, I have to say that I can’t stand complaining. Most of us don’t have anything all that serious to complain about. If the energy spent complaining was put into changing what was bothering us, I believe great things could be accomplished. Of course, I complain sometimes but it usually about one of three things; my ex, my lawyer, or when I have dental issues. I make a serious effort to be aware when I am complaining, to stop, and to think of solutions to resolve the problem.
As I’ve mentioned before, I have had a very difficult year. I have not written about specifics because I want to hide the details from you but am instead protecting other people involved who probably wouldn’t appreciate having their personal business written about on my blog.
I have only started to come through the difficulties in the last last couple of months. And now I’m stronger and more confident and happier.
But when I was in the middle of it I was miserable and didn’t think I could keep going. I bought a book called Happier because I thought that would it would give me all the answers. I never finished the book because it didn’t have the answers and wanted me to do exercises at the end of each chapter. At the time, I couldn’t bear having anything extra to do and was annoyed that the book wasn’t going to solve all of my problems.
In the part I did read one of the tasks was to keep a gratitude journal. Everyday I was supposed to write down 5 things that I was grateful for. I did do this and it helped give me focus. I don’t do it anymore but rather keep a running list in my head.
So, why I am bringing this up? Well, Vered’s post made me thing about the gratitude journal and the similarities between the two.
When I was keeping the journal, I was so unhappy that I frequently found it difficult to list 5 things that I was grateful for. My list would contain things like; I got out of bed this morning and went to work, I lost 2lbs, my daughter seems to be happy, and my brother will talk to me on the phone for hours no matter how upset or irrational I am. As I became happier and things settled down, it became easier and the things I was grateful for weren’t so sad. But I was desperate to find something, anything that I was grateful about.
Here I am now almost a year later and I am happy and confident and stronger. And, finally, here is my list. Instead of listing three things I am grateful for I am going to list three people.
My Mother – When things were really bad I said to my mother, “I can’t do this”. Instead of coddling me she kicked me in the ass and replied, “You don’t have a choice.” At the time I was upset by this but she was right. People tell me that I’m strong but I’m not so sure. What I learned from my mother is that when really tough things get thrown at you the only thing you can do is take them on and deal with in the best way that you can. Once you accept it, you can get through it. My mother also told me last night that she thinks this site is beautiful and that she checks it all the time, loves the photos and reads all the comments. I was so moved by that – I had no idea she was spending that much time with it. She told me that she doesn’t comment because she usually has no idea what I am talking about because she doesn’t know WordPress but maybe she will comment on this article :-) Plus, my mom keeps loving me no matter what and I’m the first to admit that I have put her through some tough times.
My brother and my daughter
My brother is one of the funniest people I know. He has health problems but still makes other people laugh and cares more for others than himself. I wish we lived closer and could spend more time together. We both like playing video games, watching stupid comedies together, and ranting about politics and society. It’s funny how close we are as adults because I couldn’t stand him when we were growing up. When things were rough he talked to me on the phone every night and listened to me rant and cry and just plain freak out. And he knew exactly the right way to be at the right time – when I needed sympathy he was sympathetic and when I needed a kick in the ass he yelled at me. He’s offered to help me financially and would come immediately if I needed him. He believes in me with the freelancing work and tells me that I’m smart and disciplined. He gives me confidence.
My mother and my daughter
My daughter – well, I am grateful for her because she is my daughter and she’s happy and healthy and bright. She grew inside of me and my body nourished her. But most of all I am grateful for how funny she is. She makes me laugh all the time. The other day she asked me who the President was and I told her George Bush. Her response was, “Still?!?” She makes up songs and dance routines, tells me jokes and keeps me company. She’s loving and kind. After everything we went through I was so worried that she would somehow be affected negatively, but she’s fine. A totally happy and funny kid. We’ll see if I’m still grateful for her in 10 years when she’s 16. If she’s anything like I was, the answer will have to be no. :-)
Like Vered, I’m not going to tag anyone to participate in this but it would be great if you listed three people or things that you are grateful for in the comments. Or if you are inspired to write your own post, please let me know about it.
photo credit: SnoShuu
Oh, Kim, this was beautiful!
I have tears in my eyes.
I am so happy for you that the worst is finally behind you.
The photos are amazing. Your brother sounds like my own little brother.
Vered – MomGrind’s last blog post – What If You Could Never Be Rich, But Poverty Didn’t Exist Anymore?
Hi Vered :-)
Thanks for the post that provided the inspiration. When I started writing this, family was going to be one of three sections but I started writing so much about each person that I decided to make it about three people.
My brother and I are very close in age – he is only 1.5 years younger. I love how hard my daughter is laughing in the snow picture with him.
Hi Kim,
I think this was your best article yet. You have such a great ability to open up and speak from the heart. Having known you now for a couple of years I always thought you were a strong person but seeing you come through this difficult time in your life, I think you’ve come out of this period stronger and more confident in yourself. I think it shows a lot too in the online presence that you’re growing. I think the confidence that you’ve gained has helped you to want to take the chance and put your skills to work with your site and freelancing and the success you’re having with it is only making you more confident.
Your family sounds so wonderful and supportive. I’m really glad you have them to turn to and that they help you see what’s inside you. It’s really great to be able to have family you can turn to when you need it. The picture of Alex and your brother is hilarious and very cute. I’ve told you before I see a lot of you in your daughter and that laugh she’s uncorked in that picture is all you.
Your article got me thinking so much about my relationship with my family too. Its not as strong as I would like it to be in some areas but I’m really lucky in other areas to have as good a relationship as I do with them. I can’t imagine not having my family to at least turn to if I really needed them.
Thanks for writing this article. It was fantastic.
Ron Obvious’s last blog post – John Cleese’s thoughts on Sarah Palin. “Michael…
Hi Kim, Your post showed that wonderful side of your writing that I have commented on before. Rough times make us stronger. I’m thinking about three people and at the moment, I know that there is one that I continuously express my gratitude to… a friend from Wausau Whitewater who was there through the roughest part of my life when my two sons both made really bad choices followed by my husband also making a bad choice and I felt lost. Mike listened, took time to help me notice some traits I had — like enabling and gently pointed me in better directions in multiple areas of my life. Today, thanks to Mike, my my spiritual life is reconnected, my finances are better and getting better every day, I have more confidence, physically I am healthier than ever before, and I am not afraid to try new things…
On a side note, I am grateful for your example because you helped me build the confidence to start the first of at least two blogs. I initiated Wausau Whitewater Flows on Wednesday and completed two posts. Much of what I learned from your blog, I applied. Not the code yet and I am still working on learning but your tips helped so much…. So I am grateful for you!
@Ron (Jim)
Thanks!! :-) I love your use of “uncorked” when discussing the way that Alex and I laugh.
@Julie – Thank you so much for your comment!! :-)
You have to let me know when you blog is up so I can check it out.
Hi Kim, There’s not one but two blogs. I did both this week. Wausau Whitewater Flows went up on Wednesday. http://wausauwhitewater.wordpress.com/ and yesterday, I set up and created the first post for http://designresumes.wordpress.com/
Though the code part of things is still a mystery to me, I took lots of what you taught me when I created this. I’m still in the free WordPress. I needed to know if I could do it before I committed to an upgrade. So depending on where this goes, I may need help migrating both sites to a newer version.
And I used the themes provided but none of them totally met my plan.
Thanks for joining my Facebook page. I tell the FB group when a new post goes up. Jason Alba and Joe Jacobi taught me that.
Overall, my gratitude list changes daily. I am so happy that people are willing to share! Thank You!
Really Nice post Kim. It is good to know that your troubles are behind you now. And those are nice pictures, your daughter is very cute.
Madhur Kapoor’s last blog post – Top 5 Virtual Desktop Managers To Help Increase Productivity
@Madhur – Thank you :-) It’s finally turned the corner. Now that I’ve cleared out the mental clutter I’m working on the house clutter. Alex is cute – but she doesn’t really look like me – she just has my silly sense of humor.
@Julie – They look great! I haven’t had too much time to read them but I’m really proud of you for making the decision to make the blogs.
I’m glad you could find a solution for your problem. If you don’t take action things begin to get worse. Some times it could be hard getting rid of all your problems but it is good to see that you have people to count on. It was nice reading your post and it is such an inspiration. Thanks you have my sympathy!
Hi Suzette – Thank you! It wasn’t so much finding a solution as accepting the changes that had occurred. I really appreciate your visit and your comment. And thank you for saying that you found the post to be inspirational.
Thanks Kim! Your comment went to my junk mail filter but I wanted to let you know that coming from you, that’s really a compliment. I am realizing how many good things blogs provide.
This is a very wonderful post. It is always good to think about the people we are most thankful for being in our lives, and make sure that they know just how much we appreciate them. For me, the people that mean the most to me is my mother and my fiancé. It would be very difficult to live without them.
~ Kristi
Kikolani – Poetry | Photography | Blogging Tips’s last blog post – Backup Your Blog for Peace of Mind
@Julie – You’re welcome. Hopefully my responses will stay out of junk mail folders :-)
@Kristi – Thank you! I think mother’s are on most people’s lists. When are you getting married?